This is NOT about Lori Harvey.
This IS about what her very public dating life represents to me, and the takeaways I want to impart upon my growing young girls.
A letter to my daughters on Lori Harvey:
Dear girls,
What do you think dating will look like when you start? What do you WANT it to look like?
There’s one thing from this whole pop culture conversation that I want you to pay attention to: focus on yourself and what you want – because there will be naysayers, regardless.
Men are not a monolith. Many will want you for your body. Some will want you for social status or to leech benefits off of being in proximity with you. Less will be attracted to you solely for your intellect or charm and even fewer will just want to be your friend, with no ulterior motive.
What does this mean, then? Should you avoid them altogether? Should you go the good girl route and date with intentions? Or do you decide to abandon serious long term relationships in exchange for a life of freedom and fun?
There is no right answer. And at different points in your life, you way jump back and forth between these perspectives.
What I truly want for you as you begin dating and entering relationships- is for you to make these decisions fully understanding the potential outcomes. And I don’t ever want you to follow some subscribed dating manual that society holds us to, with its constantly changes rules.
As your grandma says “choices lead to consequences and those consequences cause circumstances” – you have to be prepared for any of the consequences or circumstances that results from your choices.
If you go the good girl route, only seeking serious committed relationships,as you get older you may regret not having more fun along the way (like your mom 🙋🏾♀️)
If you wild out and enter casual situations with men, you have to take precautions for yourself – make sure to protect yourself physically, but also mentally and emotionally for any fallout you didn’t expect.
If you write off men altogether, you may experience loneliness and FOMO watching your friends and family enjoy all that love and dating has to offer.
Date or don’t date. Have fun or be serious.
It really doesn’t matter either way – but above all you MUST be clear on what YOU want out of the whole ordeal. And you need to learn about men so you can determine who fits the bill for whatever you desire at that time.
And when a situation with a man doesn’t fit you…LEAVE. Without hesitation.
Dating can be fun and it can be a nightmare. But don’t lose sight of the control you have towards either of those outcomes.
I love you,
Mom
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