First Quarter Recap
I didn’t think 40 solo dates in 12 months would be an ambitious goal.
Life reminded me just how easy one can become sidetracked by…well, LIFE!
After my birthday in October I started hot out the gate. I knew if I was going to average 3-4 solo dates each month, I should start strong.
As a single mom, it can be a challenge to get “me time”. Especially with a coparent that lives out of the country. Having grandparents locally eases the burden as they’re more than happy to have a weekend with my kids as often as possible. But that doesn’t factor in one important barrier – MOM GUILT.
So to mitigate all that while still working towards my goal, I planned on one weekend a month where the kids would go to their grandparents. With a couple days kid-free I can squeeze in multiple dates. And I’m also taking a day off from work every other month or so – just to ensure I get alone time as well as adding more experiences to the tracker (see below).
With that in mind, let’s review how the first quarter went, shall we??
October
Since I was on the heels of my birthday AND a huge event at work I started off with treating myself to a day date. Using a birthday gift card I got a relaxing massage at a day spa, and then took myself shopping.
I haven’t tried on clothes in a dressing room for a long time – because I was recording this outing it forced me to make it an experience. Even though I’m at my all time high weight-wise, I felt really pretty this day. Note to self: body positivity is more than some motivating phrases, it’s a lifestyle.
Is there anything more “black auntie”-like than shopping for candles?
Now it was time for a night out. And now that I’ve fully embraced being in my “Lori Harvey era”, dressing up and going out on the town really brings out my inner bad B.
I know a lot of women can’t get into smoking cigars – but I find that being in male-dominated spaces like this really being out my flirty, feminine side. And it’s utterly needed as I spend most days alternating between corporate cog and drill sargeant mom.
When I made my list of rules for this solo date journey, I noted that I could only count one sit down meal for a month towards the challenge. That was for good reason – your girl LOVES to eat. So of course I rounded out the month taking myself to brunch at a local place that quickly became my favorite after moving to NC.
November
The excitement was still there for solo dates this month, but I definitely wasn’t as intentional about it as I started in October. But I was determined to do *something* even if it wasn’t spectacular. When I heard about a local dine around event hosted by a Jaycees chapter, I figured it was the perfect opportunity.
As I mentioned, it ended up being a more family-friendly day than I anticipated. Especially seeing how I intentionally left my kids with their grandparents to attend this. 🤣 But taking a minute to color in a picture really had a surprising effect on me. I wanted to get outside to see the lit tree and felt a moment of Christmas magic – and also bewilderment at southerners that covet snow to the point they create fake snow for events like this! I didn’t include this in the video but there were also local craft vendors and I was able to buy a candle from a black woman-owned business. So all-in-all, it was success even though it didn’t turn out as I anticipated.
Now because I was kid-free, and the event ended in the early evening, I was intent on making the most of this opportunity. I had heard of a local bowling alley that was more bar/lounge than your granddad’s neighborhood bowling spot so figured I’d check it out.
Also, this is a good chance to share my official “solo date rules” because even though this was the same day, because I came home in between, this qualifies as two separate dates! 😁
This was…a mixed bag. Bowling was more expensive than I thought it would be. And this is very much a hangout for couples and groups.
Normally I don’t mind being solo when I go out. But for some reason I felt super self-conscious like everyone was looking at me wondering if I was meeting up with someone or why I was alone. It’s something I need to think about moving forward when picking these locations because truthfully, some activities are better solo than others.
Regardless, I *did* bowl and I did salvage the evening. It was more an exercise in pushing myself out of my comfort zone so at the very least I went home proud of this moment.
December
Annnnnnd, this month was a COMPLETE bust.
My grandfather died right before Thanksgiving, and my younger cousin passed right before Christmas. To say that my family was just surviving in December is beyond accurate.
I hope January yields at least a few dates. And at this point, I know I’ll have to rely on my kid-free summer to get more dates on the board.
Onward and upward!
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How to love yourself
January 29, 2023 at 9:30 am[…] now we’ve come full circle to the solo date challenge that I find myself in the midst […]